History. It's always hard for me to pinpoint the forces that push down on me, but it's becoming clear that history is a major one. I can't rectify the things I've done (or haven't done) with who I want to be, or who I am, or something. There have been so many people who have passed in and out of my life, so many who have come close only to have all ties severed for one reason or another. I feel like I've stepped on feet, and I feel like I don't even know whose feet anymore. It's to a point where I avoid people from my past at all costs, but that isn't fair, friendly, or healthy. So, I'm going to make an effort to be less of a dilettante in my own affairs, say I'm sorry to everyone equally, and hope the future will grant me amnesty.
Of course, this is a lifelong project I'm going to put off until I see how I build history in a place where I have none.
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